H&H Weddings

Étiquette

Engagements

Planning a wedding is stressful enough without having to worry about etiquette guidelines. Let us help you out!

Ask us a question regarding étiquette by contacting us at bonjour@handhweddings.com

etiquette / q & a Jun 28 2017

Q

We are paying for our own wedding. How should we word the invitations?

A

There are a few ways you can word your invitations in this situation. 

If you are having your ceremony in a place of worship, you would say:

The honor of your presence
is requested at the marriage of
James John Parker
to Mitchell Paul Jacobson
Saturday, the ninth of August
two thousand and fourteen
at half past four in the afternoon

If you are having a formal affair, but not in a place of worship, you would say:

The pleasure of your company
is requested at the marriage of
James John Parker
to Mitchell Paul Jacobson
Saturday, the ninth of August
two thousand and fourteen
at half past four in the afternoon

If you are having a more casual soirée, you can word your invites in a number of ways, but these are a couple of common examples:

James John Parker &
Mitchell Paul Jacobson
invite you to their wedding
Saturday, August 9, 2014
at 4:30 in the afternoon


OR 

James John Parker &
Mitchell Paul Jacobson
invite you to share and celebrate at their wedding
Saturday, August 9, 2014
at 4:30 in the afternoon

When going with a less formal option, feel free to get creative with the wording! Your friends and family will appreciate your unique invites and, if you say something along the lines of, "...invite you to shake your groove thing," the tone for a fun evening will be set before the guests arrive! 

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etiquette / q & a May 24 2017

Q

We are paying for our wedding ourselves. How do we make it clear to our families that we control the guest list?

A

This can be a tricky situation. On one hand, you’re glad that your parents want to show off you and your love, but on the other hand, you don’t want to pay for their third cousin twice removed.  
The best way to deal with this situation is to have an open, honest conversation with your parents. Give them a limit to the guests they are able to invite, from there, they can decide who they feel should be in attendance.
Your big day should be stress-free and all about the new chapter you're starting in your life!

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etiquette / q & a May 3 2017

Q

What do we do about unsupportive family?

A

Everyone knows about the dreaded guest list at a wedding. If you invite one of your college friends, you most likely have to invite them all. And what about your second cousins that your mother was close with growing up? Yep, they’ll probably get the invite. LGBT couples face an additional hurdle in mapping out their guest list; the unsupportive family members.  
This particular issue can be tackled in two different ways. Your first option can be to leave unsupportive family members off the guest list. It is your day and, as newlyweds, you deserve to be surrounded by love and support. Many times LGBTQ+ folks end up with a "chosen family" anyway, so their presence is crucial to the success of the event. We certainly think this is a good choice, especially for couples having small ceremonies. Including unsupportive family can lessen the sense of intimacy and you run the risk of disrupting the blissful atmosphere.  
The latter option involves a bit more give from the couple. Assuming both partners agree that it’s a priority, inviting family who wasn’t always supportive can be a great opportunity to show them how happy and committed you are to one another. It can give them a chance to take part in your love, making them understand what you and your spouse have. Perhaps the unsupportive parties’ ideas of LGBT couples aren’t accurate. They should know that you will be just like them when you’re married; arguing over who takes the trash out and what to watch on Netflix. LGBT weddings tend to include many of the marital traditions of straight couples, so there will probably be many aspects that make uncomfortable parties feel welcome.  
Weddings are about the devotion of the couple being wed. When all is said and done, do what you feel will make your day special.

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Tagged: engagements, we do's, etiquette
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etiquette / article Dec 27 2016

2016 Roundup

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Not everyone does an engagement shoot, but we sure love when couples do. Engagement shoots capture all of the joy and excitement and anticipation that we love to see as soonlyweds plan their lives together! Here are five of our favorite engagement shoots from 2016! 

We fell in love with suspenders and quiet moments all over again after Hillary Kaye Photography captured these beauties

Danfredo Photos + Films gave us all the New England fall feels with Matt & Dave's engagement sesh!

As if we didn't already want to cozy up with loved ones, Sara Rogers Photography made Sarah & Elle's engagement shoot light-drenched perfection! 

Kristina Lee Photography made us realize that engagement shoots can double as GQ cover shoots when Josh & Jonny were the most stylish couple ever. 

Dear Kyle & Zabrian, everything about your engagement shoot it AH-mazing. Also, #hairgoals 

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Tagged: engagements, engagement shoots, best of, best of 2016
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etiquette / article Oct 12 2016

Wedding Websites

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Ah, technology. It is truly a blessing and a curse. We now have the benefits of online wedding registry, Google Maps, and Etsy to make all of our wedding planning convenient. Do you honestly need a wedding website? It’s one day of your life.

    

Simply put, yes, you do need a wedding website. Or, maybe you don't need one, but it does make things easier. Assuming you have friends and relatives traveling to your ceremony, your website can be a great way to let them know about the highlights of the city you're being wed in. You can include restaurant suggestions, as well as tourist attractions and driving/public transportation directions. All of this can make things easier for you while you're preparing for your big day. The last thing you need on the day of your wedding is a call from your uncle, lost on the highway somewhere.

We love Riley & Grey for modern, aesthetically pleasing website options. Trust us, it's hard to come by wedding websites that look this good! 

    

If you are getting married in close proximity to your guests, a wedding website can make registry a breeze. Though you don’t want to throw it out there, you can have a subtle registry section on your site.

The best way to let your guests know about your website is on an enclosure card in your invitation suite. You can simply say, “For more information, maps and directions, visit our wedding website at AlovesB.com!”  

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etiquette / q & a Sep 21 2016

Q

My husband-to-be and I went through a lot of trouble registering for things that we really want and need (brutal task, I know) but we’re unsure if we can make a point to bring up our wedding registry to friends and family.

A

Unfortunately, you may not. Wedding gifts are not required and making guests feel obligated to bring them is not appropriate. Luckily, most people know about wedding registries these days, so anyone looking to get you something will likely turn there for ideas.  

If you have a wedding website, we suggest having an area dedicated to your registry. It should be small, but visible.  

You should note that nothing sent via snail mail (invite, enclosure card, etc.) should include registry info unless specifically requested by a guest.  

Best of luck to you and I hope you get all of the blenders you've ever dreamed of!

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etiquette / q & a Aug 24 2016

Q

I want to propose to my girlfriend, but do I need to propose with a ring? I think she’d prefer to just exchange rings on our wedding day, it just seems strange to show up empty-handed to a proposal!

A

It can be a tricky situation for any couple looking to get engaged, but LGBT couples face an additional set of challenges; gender roles tend not to exist, which is wonderful, but can make things a bit more complicated.  

Here is my suggestion; if you think that your girlfriend would prefer to only exchange rings on your wedding day, go with that! You know her better than anyone. A lot of couples, gay and straight, are shying away from engagement rings these days. You could get her another piece of jewelry instead, such as a necklace, a bracelet or a watch. Getting it engraved makes it even more special.
 

I remember hearing about Jesse Tyler Ferguson proposing to his now husband with a watch that he had engraved to say “Spend all your time with me.” I thought that was so sweet and understated. It’s special, but not flashy and it’s a genuine and unique.  

Make sure that you feel as though your proposal is true to you as a couple and as individuals. However you decide to do it, be positive that it’s the best way to show your girlfriend that you love her! Also, good luck!

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etiquette / q & a Aug 10 2016

Q

We just sent out our invitations, how do we make sure our guests RSVP?

A

Generally speaking, you want to give guests a couple of weeks between the arrival of the invite and the RSVP deadline to accommodate any planning that needs to be done. The easier you make it, the better! Sending out pre-stamped enclosure cards or allowing guests to RSVP via email removes at least one step of the process for them.

If you haven't heard from guests and it's within two weeks of the numbers being due to vendors, feel free to make friendly reminder calls! 

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etiquette / q & a Jul 27 2016

Q

My partner and I are undecided about whether we should spend the night before the wedding together. Any thoughts?

A

My thought is this; if either of you are considering the fact that you might like to spend the night before the wedding apart, do it! It's something you cannot take back.

For many couples nowadays, it seems silly to spend the night apart before the big day. You probably already share a home, possibly have children (or pets) and it would be more of a comfort to spend your last night as singles, together. If neither one of you is interested in spending the night apart, certainly don't do it for tradition's sake. 

However, if one or both of you are considering it, I think it should be done. What a great way to build excitement! As well, the night apart can allow you to reflect on the amazing decision you're making to dedicate your life to the person you love.

This is one of many decisions that you must make as a couple while you plan the next step in your journey together!

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etiquette / article Jul 13 2016

Kids Free Wedding

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Kids can be a great addition to weddings; they are adorable when they dance, they make almost every picture better and they are the perfect ring bearers and flower tossers. However, not everyone wants tots to attend their marital ceremony. We’re here to help you make it clear to your friends and family that you are excited to spend the day with them, but not their rug rats.

Children tend to be a touchy subject, so in a situation like this, we suggest being overly polite about things.  

First and foremost, this is your day and if you don’t want kids there, that’s your prerogative. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that decision. Besides, depending on the location and setting of your wedding and reception, children might not be appropriate guests.  

If you are inviting many people who have children, the best first step is to make the invitations straight forward and firm. Stating, “You and one guest are invited,” or, “We love your munchkins, but this is a grownup shindig,” makes the message clear; this won’t be romper room.  

If the invitation isn’t explicit enough and you get the sense that a guest may be planning on bringing their children, it’s best to face the problem head-on. You or your partner (whoever is closer to the guest) should call to cordially uninvite the little ones. Chalking it up to a misunderstanding keeps things copasetic. Another option is to make it about the kids and parents. “ I just don’t think they’d have a good time,” or, “We want to spend quality time with you, without the distraction of children.” Both of these convey the message you are trying to get across.  

Ultimately, if the guest is not getting what you'€™re trying to say, you may just have to be blunt. It's the least favorable option, but you reserve the right to have your wedding the way you want it and no one should get in the way of that.

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