H&H Weddings

etiquette / q & a Jul 20 2016


My husband-to-be wants to have a large wedding, while I have always dreamt of a small, intimate ceremony. How can we come to a compromise?


First and foremost, wedding size is an issue that plagues many couples planning their events, so know that you are not alone. Many a bride and many a groom have argued over this and gone on to have happy marriages.  

Everyone knows that relationships are about compromise and planning a wedding is no exception. Two people are coming together to celebrate what is probably the most significant day in their lives thus far, which is great! But it’s also extremely stressful. Each partner should make a list of the things that are important to them on their wedding day. Maybe one of you wants to make it a black tie affair, while the other wants something a bit more casual. If you can each narrow down three or four “musts” for the big day, you can see where compromise can be made. Perhaps your fiancé has a caterer in mind that he just can’t shake and you absolutely loved the floral arrangements that you saw on H&H Weddings last fall. You get your way with one thing, he gets his way with another. This can instigate an environment of compromise and couples decision-making.  

As for the wedding size; you can cave, he can cave or you can meet in the middle. To us, meeting in the middle seems like the best solution. This way your future husband doesn’t feel like he gave up the grand wedding he always wanted and you don’t feel like you had to include people that wouldn’t have made it in the wedding party otherwise. If you aren’t concerned about symmetry, let your groom have as many people in his wedding party as possible and you keep the number in yours as small as you like. It might make pictures awkward, but if you’re both happy, it really does not matter. If symmetry is a concern, get creative! Who says your grandma can’t be in your wedding party? She means the world to you, afterall.  

Luckily, there are no real rules for this. As long as you love each other and make each other happy, you’ll be just fine.

Tagged: etiquette, we do's
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