H&H Weddings

etiquette / article Jul 8 2014

Vendor Relationships

I was talking to a couple recently and they mentioned that a vendor had asked them an inappropriate question. They were pretty sure it was meant to be a joke and they love the vendor’s work, but they were made uncomfortable. I was outraged at first, but then realized that there was a better solution to this problem.  

Often, couples have close relationships with their wedding vendors. Not only are these vendors involved in one of the most monumental times of your life, they help you make decisions and collaborate with you. It can almost seem like a team effort. However, couples should remember that these relationships are professional and should stay that way. My friend’s vendor crossing the line was probably not an uncommon occurrence.  

My advice was this; if they made you so uncomfortable that you don’t want to see them now, fire them. If it made you slightly uncomfortable in the moment, but you could use this as a teaching experience, do that. As we learn more about gender identity and sexual orientation (and people in general), the politically correct terms change. Not everyone is privy to these changes. A vendor making a comment about one of you being the bride and one of you being the groom is totally inappropriate, but could be out of ignorance, not malice.  

My friend decided to go with the latter and school the vendor. Via email, my friend explained to the vendor what was said and why it was offensive, then mentioned that they should just put the incident behind them rather than let it tarnish the relationship they had built.  

Of course, the vendor felt terrible, and immediately apologized. Instances like this can seem frustrating. It can make you feel like we, as a society, have not made the progress we thought we had. Overall, if you feel as though someone is coming from a good place, these actions are opportunities to educate.  

All of this being said, and this applies to every couple out there, if you feel as though a vendor is not maintaining the level of professionalism you are seeking, you can usually find someone else to work for you. What's most important is that you are at ease and enjoy your wedding!

Tagged: etiquette, engagements, vendor relationships
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