H&H Weddings

etiquette / article Jan 29 2014

The Wedding

I was recently talking to a parent whose son is about to be married. This father is incredibly supportive of his son’s same sex relationship, but just like any parent, he worries. Thankfully, these are good worries that he’s having! The father (we’ll call him Joe) is concerned about how his son is going to pay for the wedding. The planning process has just begun and no one has had a conversation about the financial side of the ceremony yet. I had a few suggestions for Joe!  

First, I think it’s better to talk too much rather than too little. I told Joe that although his son is an adult, this is certainly a conversation worth initiating.  

Secondly, things are rarely as cut and dry as they used to be. We (probably) aren’t paying dowries, so the financial burden of the wedding can be spread across the board a little more depending on the economic situations of both sets of parents (assuming they are supportive) and the couple.  

My idea for Joe was to ask his son how he was planning on covering the costs. If they seem to have it under control, Joe could offer to pay for one specific element of the wedding (the catering, transportation, flowers, etc.) OR Joe could just write out a check to help pay for whatever the grooms might need a little extra money for.  

Many couples, straight, gay and otherwise, pay for their own weddings these days. But if you are a parent who is in a position to help out as your child plans their wedding, it's always an appreciated gesture that lets your baby know you love and support their union!

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Tagged: engagements, etiquette
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